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There’s No Room for Jive on a Date

no room for jive on a dateA lot of us say and do really, really dumb things.  When we’re on a date, the chances of our “duh” showing increases tenfold.   It doesn’t necessarily mean we lack intelligence; just a filter.  Maybe it’s the wine or the candle light, the butterflies, or perhaps that sexy thong is cutting off the circulation to your thought process.  The fact is, it happens.   Friends, family, magazines and the internet are always on hand to provide advice and tips on how not to screw up.  For the most part, the advice is logical. Useful, even.  For the sake of your relationship – and your date’s sanity – do not take advice you receive too literally.

Full disclosure is an absolute no-no.  I can’t stress this enough.  Sure, your date wants to know who and what he or she is dealing with.  Are you a psycho killer?  Do you plan to slip her a rufie?  Are you riddled with diseases?  Married?  These are all genuine concerns for your date to have.  Knowing how much information to give up is key.

“But you were talking to your ex-girlfriend!” or “I saw you looking at that guy at the bar!” are common when your date has absolutely no trust in you.  Guess whose fault that is?  Yours. Yes, yours.  Never share your number of sexual partners.  Plain and simple.  Or, if absolutely necessary, stick to a very low number.  Do not give names of people you’ve dated or slept with, unless it was a long-term relationship and/or children are involved.  At that point, it’s not omission, its flat-out secrecy.  Trust me, not divulging every detail of your past will save you from stressing yourself right out of the relationship.

I’ve heard this one a million times: Don’t talk about your embarrassing hobbies/interests/personality quirks.  This little tidbit is pure BS.  All of those eccentricities are what make you wonderful and unique.  Embrace your inner dork! Unless you collect human feet in your freezer, you should be OK.  If your date doesn’t like your personality, it wasn’t meant to be. Move on.

Another thing I hear, as a woman, is that you should be dressed as sexy as possible. I call malarkey!  Be classy or comfy, or both. If you’re wearing 6-inch stilettos, a halter top and a micro-mini, you’re not really going on a date. You’re going on a pre-planned one-night-stand…and he’ll be thinking the same thing. Unless you’re in a long-standing relationship, leave the hooker heels at home.

Don’t expect to be swept off your feet. Romance is dead. If you are not a celebrity, king or president, don’t expect anyone to open any doors or pull out any chairs for you. Most guys don’t even think to do so on a date, so don’t freak out if it doesn’t happen. If you choose to end the relationship/date because of a lack of romantic gestures on your partner’s part, then you’re a stuck-up snob. Hire an assistant.

If you’re going to lie, you’re going to get caught. If you tell her you’re an orphan, your parents had better be dead.  If you tell him you’re a ballet-dancing, cheerleading-yoga instructor with “killer flexibility,” look the part and prepare to prove it. Making up outlandish crap to impress and/or get into someone’s pants is beyond sketchy.  So, unless a micro-mini is present at your dinner table, skip the jive.

They say not to order more than two alcoholic beverages while on a date. Who are these “they” people you ask? Dumb-asses, that’s who. If you typically get blitzed when you are out, do so. The same goes for any other mind-altering activities that you may or may not partake in.  Do it up and do it right.  Save your date the trouble of finding this stuff out down the road.

Ladies, skip the salad.  Seriously.  That doesn’t mean you have to order the house challenge meal, but at least order something more than lettuce and fat-free dressing that you’ll probably just pick at anyway. This move just screams high-maintenance. Eat like you’re comfortable.  Leave the dainty nonsense for work functions, weddings and funerals.

If you’re the type of person to openly complain to staff about the restaurant’s food, music, lighting, air conditioning, color scheme, etc., keep in mind that if you continue to date this person, they will see this behavior eventually.  Like the alcoholics, the hotheads really should show their true colors up front.  So, complain away!

The wandering eye is a slayer of many a relationship. So your date perked up a little when the double D’s carrying your drinks out came into view. So f@#$ing what?! There are millions of beautiful people out there. To insist that your date/partner find you, and only you, attractive is not only narcissistic, it’s unrealistic. If you can’t handle his or her appreciation for the aesthetically pleasing, then leave. Check your ego at the door next time.

On the flipside, staring intensely at your date in order to not get caught staring at the waitress’s legs can be just as damaging as staring at the waitress’s legs. Staring is creepy. It won’t come off as a genuine gaze-into-her eyes play, especially if you are mid-bite and there is no conversation. Don’t do it.

Don’t be too aggressive or direct. This only works if you’re not an aggressive or direct person. Like the booze and the whining, this behavior should be put right up on the table for all to see. Give your date a chance to decide for him or her self whether they like your personality or not. Tweaking your individuality reeks of desperation.

It’s common practice to not talk about marriage and kids on a first date. They (those jerks again) say that this topic kills relationships before they start. If he doesn’t give you the impression that he’s desperate enough to discuss marriage plans with you on your first date, he probably doesn’t intend to ask you tonight. He’s probably just sharing goals and dreams with you. Goals and dreams should be shared with your date if you have a connection. Even at the risk of making them run away scared.

The key point to take away from this is simple – Be Yourself. If your date isn’t into you, who gives a damn? This is 2014. There are billions of people on this planet. Someone is bound to like you for you.  So to ensure a successful date, you need only remember these four things: don’t lie, pretend, hold back or divulge too much info. Remember, you’re trying to connect with a potential best friend, so just be you.

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